my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize