My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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