Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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