One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
