Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
