i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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