I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize