I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
