oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
