hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
