dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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