My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
