Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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