I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
