I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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