I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
