So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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