That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
