No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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