watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
