I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my mouth tastes like poor choices
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
