No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
