Whoa Z and x make the same sound
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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