He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
