The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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