My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize