I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
