I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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