haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
