I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
