You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
