Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
no, he came in my armpit
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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