You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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