u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
