Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
