Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
