Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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