How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
