Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
