she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
