just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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