she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
