I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
