she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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