Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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