so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I bet he comes in French.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
sarcasm needs its own font
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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