i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
