how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
