You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
