You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
