no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
