Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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