I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
