I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
