You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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