I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
