i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
