You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
