when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
