Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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