tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
