I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize