you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
