My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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