remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
