there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
