i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize