we have officially lost it.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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