dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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