It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
