..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
