My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
