can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
