dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Screwed.edu
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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