i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
