i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
