a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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