I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
