Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize